Jamaica Tours, Guides and Vacations

I answered some questions about medical care here in Jamaica and did a web search for help finding a listing of medical facilities in Jamaica and I came up with two great resources that I had to share here with everyone else.

The question I answered in the Jamaica forums was about having a baby in Jamaica but if you seek any kind of public or private medical facility in Jamaica you'll want to take a look at these two websites.

JMMB :: JMMB Insurance Brokers

Jamaica Medical Directory

Blue Cross of Jamaica - Find a provider

Listing of medical facilities in Jamaica by parish

If you are planning on moving to Jamaica with medical conditions that require care you are going to want to make arrangements before you arrive. Jamaica has a number of holistic healing and wellness centers that offer a variety of natural healing treatments. For more details contact Sunset Heal

Technorati Tags: jamaica, jamaica medical, jamaica hospitals, wellness vacations, jamaica wellness

I love driving my van around Jamaica. It's been about 10 months now I've had it and we have covered many many 1000's of kilometers and nearly the entire country thus far. We have actually circled the island and spent time in most major cities. I can drive around Mobay, Ocho Rios, Negril and Kingston with no problem mon.

We have driven the South Coast route from Negril to Kingston a few dozen times now and I feel super comfortable taking this route. We have stopped at all the major attractions as well as most of the smaller ones in the last year and visited much of the South Coast Jamaica. I especially love the Bluefields and Treasure Beach areas. Mandeville seems like a nice place to chill with some of the coolest weather on the island.

The van has been a great asset and well worth the investment. I have had to put a few bucks into it to keep it running but besides my van insurance its been pretty cheap. The van insurance policy we started with was weak and basically it covers the legal crap we need. I'm looking for some new van insurance quotes online using a new service that I found at QuoteZone.com but I will most likely be forced to stick with the crap policy I have. I say its crap because it does not cover anything more than the other person and it costs a fortune.

I've been lost in the van at least once on every trip we take and to be honest I'm glad it happens. Most often we end up in some rather unique and interesting situations that could only be found by getting lost in Jamaica. From 100 head of goats taking up the road or an impromptu street festival that erupts around a sound system in the town square I have been in some places and seen some things that only only me and Jah seem to truly appreciate.

I love Jamaica and my van has been a great part of the experience. If you plan on spending any more than 6 days in Jamaica bring enough money to buy a car and just sell it before you leave. You'll appreciate having one while you're here and it may just change your life.

I came to Jamaica with the idea I would buy a car or van to take the kids places and to see more of the island during our trip and I am so happy I bought our 6 passenger Nissan Vanette that I already want another one for tours and so I can keep this one for just personal use. It was a little more than I wanted to spend at the time but in the end it worked out perfectly for us. We have been able to tour the entire island and meet some great people while seeing some beautiful places because of that van and we'll see even more of it in days to come. It drives like a dream with a super smooth ride and the door arrangement is perfect for us as a family or for use as a tour bus and taxi cab. We get lots of folks looking at us for rides when we drive around in it but I rarely take the risk of picking anyone up.

I was prepared for driving in Jamaica with my Florida drivers license and an International Driving Permit valid here in Jamaica and like 30 other countries I think. It was quite the trick learning to navigate the roads of Jamaica and I have discovered lots of new things while getting lost in the bush. I have put quite a few thousand kilometers on the van and I would never have found great places such as Sunset Heal and made new friends like the owner Beatrice without it. I certainly don't mind traveling off the beaten track to find gems like that and the van has made this happen for us. One piece of advice that has kept us safe was always keep your tank full because you never know just how lost you can get in Jamaica and the next gas station may be along way off.

When I insured the van with NEM insurance they told me I had 6 months to get a Jamaican drivers license so I bought a standard drivers license book and read through it once or twice. The test would be easy or so I thought. Driving on the left hand side of the road was odd at first but I've adjusted well and I have had quite a few Jamaicans comment on my good driving skills. My mom would be proud to see such an improvement over my teen driving years It must be the added responsibility of parenthood that keeps me more safe and aware on the roads now but learning to navigate this country with little to no road signage in every city was a different trick. My road map of Jamaica that I purchased from Amazon before we arrived has been of great help and of course my favorite guide on Jamaica has some nice maps and helpful suggestions as well. I brought the GPS along and have mapped some locations with it but I'm having trouble with integrating the maps into our blog still.

The paperwork necessary to own and drive a van here in Jamaica took me some time to sort out. After buying the van and clearing up the ownership documents I had to get a signature from a Justice of the Peace who could claim to have known me for at least 90 days. I found a man in Sav willing to do so after having just met me. He did it for free but I tipped him $500 Jamaican for his help and time because he went through and verified all of my documents and even signed off on my four Passport photos which I needed to supply for the drivers license. After the Justice of the Peace I was required to have a medical examination to prove I am physically and mentally fit to drive. I found a doctor in Sav and had a quick examination for $1,000 Jamaican dollars and she signed off on that for me. I guess having the $1,000 was enough proof of my mental state. Once I had the TRN and vehicle documents secured it was a matter of paying another $1,000 Jamaican for permission to take the drivers test and I thought it was to be over. I was wrong and of course in Jamaica things take longer because no one explains themselves and there is such a lack of information available. Most people in any kind of customer service position in this country need some serious job training with a focus on people skills and how to deal with the public. I have never seen so many rude people with the job of dealing with people as I do here in Jamaica and specifically government positions. They must be seriously overworked and underpaid to all have such an abrasive attitude so I pity most of them.

I now know there are two types of drivers license in Jamaica, Private and General. A private license is the basic license needed to operate a car or small personal vehicle. I have a 6 passenger van with the goal to have a red plate tag on it some day so I'll need the General Drivers license which is more like a commercial drivers license. I asked what tests I would need to take while using my Florida drivers license to qualify and on my first visit for information to the Drivers testing depot in Sav La Mar I was mistakenly informed that I would only need to take the sign test, the yard test and the road test because of my use of my Florida drivers license as the qualifying document.

I was not made aware of what they call the mechanical test which goes in depth into the operation of the van and motor with details on things such as vehicle compression and motor functions and with questions like "On the compression stroke if a four cylinder motor what opens the valves?" or others about crankshaft directions in relation to the camshaft or something like that. I was lost. They showed me the test and I knew I would never pass it but the guy told me to take a chance so I did. I gave it a shot and came out with 14 correct from 22 which is failing. I needed 17 correct to pass. He tossed the test and told me to retake it at a later time. I'm going to have to go back after I have studied my new Jamaican Drivers Mechanical testing booklet which I purchased at Possessions bookstore in Sav La Mar for $250JA.

After taking the sign and mechanical tests I went ahead with the yard test because I could still finish that and the road test at this time. The yard test was pretty easy and consisted of me parking the van on an incline and taking off without rolling off the hill along with a simple reverse maneuver between some cones and parallel parking the vehicle on both sides within 18 inches of the curb. The yard is open to the public almost every day and if anyone needed to practice the course before hand it seems pretty easy to do.

When it came time to take the road test I was not aware that I had to bring a a licensed Jamaican driver with me but some fine Jamaican drivers are conveniently waiting there to ride with us for another $1,000 Jamaican dollars for their valuable time and skill set. I reluctantly paid the $1,000 to have a guy sit next to me as my driving instructor while the examiner sat in the back seat for the test. My instructor and I jumped in my van and drive down to the Mannings School entrance in Sav La Mar which is just up the road from the Driving Depot where the tests are administered and where they also do vehicle inspections. While we sat out front waiting for the examiner to arrive we talked some and the instructor told me I would most likely be asked to do the more difficult road maneuver from the handbook which was to turn around on a two way street using a minor road junction for the turn around.

It's a pretty dumb move in my opinion because it forces you to reverse down a road in the right lane and turn in reverse into the minor road right hand lane before proceeding forward and turning left onto the major road from the left lane but I made sure to study the diagram provided in my manual before he arrived to be sure I understood the move. While executing my turn correctly another car turned into the minor road and stopped about 8 feet in front of me. After completing my reverse turn I came to face the driver in front of me and we both kinda sat there in a pause. Rather then sit still in the wrong lane facing the wrong direction about 40 feet before a road junction I chose to move around the car and proceed with my turn. My examiner told me to stop and then asked me what I was doing. He told me the other driver had the right of way and it was upon me to wait. I told him that it made little sense to sit there waiting for him to move when it was apparent he was waiting to see what I did. My examiner told me I failed on the spot and asked me to return to the garage. I was hot. I could not understand his logic in requiring me to sit in the middle of the right lane facing the wrong direction at a road junction while waiting for another car to move. I told him for safety sake it was best for me to get out of the road and if faced with that situation again I would act in the exact same way.

When we got back to the depot it took him about 5 minutes before he called me into his office and told me I failed and I would have to come back. I told him that was unacceptable and I wanted to speak with a supervisor. I told him I wanted to retake the test with some other more sensible person. I also accused him of splitting the $1,000 paid to his selected instructor and that brought a few others into the argument. Apparently even many Jamaican citizens are unaware of the requirement and they get caught up in it as well. I was given the chance to speak with a supervisor and the examiner in the room and after some pretty little drawings on a scrap of paper the supervisor called the instructor into the room. My driving instructor earned his $1,000 and told the supervisor he felt he would have done the same exact thing as I had done in my situation. He said we were at a stalemate of sorts and he felt it was on me to get out of the other cars way and on with my business. The supervisor called it a mistake in judgment by both parties and my only mistake in the test and passed me without really completing the driving test.

I went back and took the written mechanical test and got a receipt for my Jamaican Drivers License about 2 weeks late after memorizing the pre test questions to pass the mechanical portion of the test. The book and test were last updated in 1976 and there was little in there that actually related to my van or driving in Jamaica but I now have a General Drivers License which allows me to drive cars, trucks or vans anywhere in Jamaica. It took me over 4 months to receive my Jamaican drivers license and it has really helped me to understand just how screwed up things in this country can be. The bureaucracy, rigmarole and ridiculous red tape necessary to conduct any sort of business here really makes a mess out of things and must be the cause of some of the frustration amongst the Jamaican people.I understand that many drivers here never actually take the test and a large percentage of Jamaican drivers are forced to buy their license on the black market because some of them cannot read to take the tests and others simply don;t have the time or patience to take all these mundane steps to be able to drive.

Shipping a barrel from the US to Jamaica was relatively easy but picking up a barrel in Kingston was a separate matter. I have spent a considerable amount of time in Kingston and consider myself very familiar with the town layout and transportation systems. I have driven all over the city of Kingston and most outlying areas but for whatever reasons I have never spent a lot of time in or around the Kingston harbor and wharves. The port of Kingston is where most of the countries import and export takes place and some 70% of the the total goods imported are processed on the Kingston Wharves.

Our barrel was shipped over on an ocean going vessel and dropped off to Jamaica customs in Kingston harbor per our instructions. We could have picked up in Mobay or even had it delivered direct to our home here in Negril but we chose a road trip to Kingston instead and as usual I am glad we did. We had a great trip and the worst part of it was dealing with driving around the Kingston Wharves. It's a pretty backwards system of one way roads and no signage that kept me spinning in circles quite a bit. I arrived on the first day with the wife and kids in tow but quickly realized I needed to come back on my own so I took care of the first step in paperwork and returned on my own the next morning. Things went much smoother at the harbor before 9AM and it is suggested you arrive as early as you can.

The first step in retrieving our barrel was to stop by the local office for Finlays Shipping which was only two blocks away from the harbor but one of the most difficult streets for me to find me. The Jamaican lady in the office kept giving me bad directions and it took me almost an hour to find it once I arrived in the general area. At Finlays I paid the $2,000 JA for local handling charges and received my Arrival Notice and Bill of Lading documents to be presented to Jamaica Customs agents. Finlays filled out all the necessary documents for me and made things quite a bit easier in doing so. I only had to make one simple modification to any of the paper work we received from Finlays in order for Customs to accept it and all the document transfers went pretty smoothly. I bailed out here and came back the next morning with the necessary documents in hand ready to deal with the Jamaican customs process all in one day.

I got to the docks at roughly 8:30 am and things we're still kinda quiet. I grabbed a banana porridge and coffee from one of the many vendors in the area and hung out in front trying to catch a photo opportunity. The entire area is a security zone with no children and no cameras allowed. The first time I pulled up to the gates in the van I had my camera on the seat next to me and they told me I had to take it home. No cameras allowed. I came back with my smaller camera and was only able to grab the one shot above without being seen.

They have a special parking lot for individuals picking up imports and the parking lot attendants are the first to verify you have the proper docs before you even park. Once they let you in they will send you across the street to the clerk in the Customs Manifest Branch where your documents are processed. You have to present identification at this step and all persons receiving imports must now have a Jamaican TRN number as well. I paid roughly $2000 JA for this service to the Jamaican government and was sent over to the Warehouse manager who would find my barrel amongst all the others. The warehouse manager actually waited about 30 minutes while a number of us finished the first stages paperwork that morning and then he disappeared into the warehouse for about another 20 minutes before returning with everyones barrel on one flat trailer. All the barrels were lined up in front of rows of tables and each of us was told to stand before our barrel as we awaited the customs inspections.

Personal Imports information from the Jamaica Customs website

Persons to whom packages have been sent from overseas

1. Take your Arrival Notice, Bill of Lading and identification paper to the Freight Agent who is responsible for receiving and handling your goods.

2. The Freight Agent will process your papers and collect all fees due to them (not Customs import duties) and advise you when and where (wharf or warehouse) the package(s) will be available for inspection by Customs.

3. Take your documents (including Customs Form C78X) to the Wharf or
Warehouse at the appropriate time and present same to the clerk in the Customs Manifest Branch. The documents will be processed and returned to you.

4. Take these documents to the Wharf Authorities or Warehouse Keeper so that your goods can be located and placed in the Customs Examination area.

5. The Customs Officer may request that you open your packages for inspection.

6. After inspection of the goods, you will be sent to the Customs Cashier to pay the necessary duties and fees. On your return, after paying the duties and fees, the Customs Officer will issue the Customs Release.

7. The Customs Release should be taken to the Warehouse Keeper’s clerk who will supervise delivery to you of your packages.

The customs agents are fairly thorough in some cases I guess but they surely did not search my barrel at all. Not that I brought in anything illegal but I could certainly have carried a firearm amongst the many tools and other metal objects that walked right through untouched. I brought over a small tool chest full of hand tools and things and no one ever looked through any of it. I was open and honest and told them everything I shipped was my own used personal effects and they let me through pretty easily. Some Jamaican families shipped over lots of new commercial goods and they went over those guys much more thoroughly. It was obvious to me they were more interested in those shipments then they were in my crap.

My barrel was valued at just under $24,000 JA and my import duties were $3500. They underestimated by quite a bit. The total cost for shipping my barrel to Jamaica was about $170 for 260 lbs in a 55 gallon steel drum. I brought over a full tower pc with loads of accessories, a medium sized tool box of hand tools sockets and wrenches, power tools including a circular saw and a reciprocating saw, corded and cordless drill, most of my housewares and small kitchen appliances including my grind and brew coffee maker, a nice stainless steel wok and bamboo steamer, a counter top deep fryer and some new pots and pans I bought over the holidays and used at moms so they look old. We now have a complete kitchen and cooking is much nicer for us now. I grind and brew fresh coffee every morning and I'm loving our new place that much more. It really has become our new home and I can't see any reason for us to ever leave this place.

Here are some relevant websites for you.

Jamaica Customs Website

Jamaica Customs Fact Sheet from E Jamaica

Finlays Ship to Jamaica

So of course we are moving to Jamaica and I decided that on our return flight after the holidays I was going to bring back as much stuff as I could possibly carry on the plane. We had a whole house full of stuff back in storage in Florida and it made little sense to me to buy all new stuff here in Jamaica when shipping a barrel seems so easy and the cost was pretty cheap actually.

I carried over 8 checked bags for the 4 of us at a max weight of 50 lbs each for a total of just under 400lbs of stuff we had loaded on the plane plus each of us had a carry on piece with personal effects and two days clothing in case our luggage was lost. It seems like this would be enough for any family but I decided that I would bring even more stuff and load a 55 gallon steel drum with the really heavy stuff. I ended up stuffing it full with all sorts of housewares and in the end it weighed over 260 lbs.

We were driving to Fort Lauderdale Florida from Ocala with a rental vehicle so I got some pricing information on barrel shipping online and actually came up with a great deal via Spirit Airlines and their shipping partner at Finlays Shipping. I paid a total of $70 US to have them ship a barrel from Lauderdale to Kingston. In 8 to 10 days I could pick up my barrel in Kingston and not have the hassle of dealing with customs at the airport but on my own time and schedule at a later point.

It took me a little while to find the shipping terminal in North Miami but once I did it took less than 15 minutes to fill out forms and process our shipping order. The entire process of shipping a barrel to Jamaica consisted of me loading it on their ramp, filing one simple form and sealing the can for delivery. Finlays provided me with the wire to lock up my barrel and we wrote the shipping address on the barrel in permanent marker. It is suggest you lock you barrel but I only wired mine and everyting arrived here in Negril with no trouble mon.

Upon arrival here in Jamaica I had to pay an additional charge of $2,000 JA or about $30 for handling fees and of course my import duties. My estimated value for the barrel was $24,000 JA and my duties were $3500 or about $50. I'll include more details on dealing with Jamaica customs in the follow up post "Dealing with Jamaican Customs at the Kingston Wharves".

We left Florida and arrived here in Negril on January 11th. It took a couple days for me to get online and some new pics posted but I will hopefully be back to blogging about Jamaica and our newest adventures again.

It's so nice to be back in Jamaica and I am very excited about how glad our kids were upon our return home. Both of my sons are completely happy here in Negril and I was very worried that a month back in the States would mess with them but it worked out for the best. In the end they like Negril and our new place here at Devine Destiny more than all the vacation time and grandma gifts of the past few weeks. I was most impressed with my oldest son AJ who has been very vocal about "going home" and was the most excited about our plan travels and arrival in Montego Bay.

This trip was not quite as smooth as I had hoped for and we still need to sort out some post arrival planning so we can avoid things like an empty fridge on a Friday evening and some other things. I drove home and it was probably a mistake for me to drive so soon after a long flight. I got turned around in Mobay and kept chit chatting with our friend Kevin while driving lost in a rain storm and we lost about two hours because of it. Once we got to Negril and opened up the house everything was irie and everyone felt better. Better planning will avoid this on future trips.

We brought back lots of stuff and we're prepared for lots of activities this go around. We have the van and now two bicycles plus a trailer we can haul the kids in which should allow us to travel just about anywhere in Jamaica by van or bike. Now we just need to get motivated on some more trips this time.

There is something about Jamaica that makes it very easy to spend lots of time doing much of nothing and taking long naps in the middle of the day has become the norm for us here in Negril. What should take me minutes to do may take me days to actually get around too here and I'm usually a bit slower on Jamaican time.

I do find myself spending more time observing nature and the beauty around us more so while I'm here. In just the past few days we've been here I have already seen and photographed so much Jamaican wildlife and tropical flora. I need a good book on identifying the numerous varieties of birds, butterflies and flowers around us. If not I'll just have to name them all on my own and that will take too long.

View more pictures of our arrival in Negril in our Jamaica photo gallery here!!

Posted in the Jamaica forums for discussion under this topic!!

So it finally happened to us. We had something stolen from us after all I have done to make certain it was a safe trip. I had a couple to many Green Stripes one evening and went to bed with the cameras on the front porch of Heartbeat almost a month ago now. It was a long day really and we had spent the day at the beach and all over town taking photos and video to add to our collection. I had taken some great sunset photos and was going to load them to the site the next day. I lost some nice pictures and video plus any chance of documenting the last month here and our move to a new apartment.

It's been a real bummer and the primary reason I have not written much. The camera and photo taking kinda inspired my blogging and having them both stolen really hurt me. I've been a few places and done a few things since but not having a camera to record experiences has been upsetting to say the least. Lessons learned on double checking my safety before we go to sleep. I left us open to the loss by leaving valuables on the porch over night. I'm sure someone drifted through and took advantage of an opportunity. Sadly the camera is now most likely useless because I have the cables, batteries and accessories to run it and I bet no one will make the effort needed to replace them here. I have no idea who it was ort where they went to but I asked a few folks in the neighborhood to lookout for them. Most people acted shocked it would happen but then soon came around to the fact crack heads roam properties on occasion to take advantage of open windows and more.

So my blogging has been slow since I lost my camera but I'm going to start writing again. We're heading back to the states for the holidays and I have a lot to clear up still. if you live in Negril and you fgind my cameras please contact me

I bought The Rough Guide to Jamaica 4 (Rough Guide Travel Guides) for our planned move to Jamaica because it was the most up to date book on Jamaica travel that they had and I had a bad experience on my first trip by carrying an outdated travel guide. On my first trip here many of the locations in the guide had closed or changed hands and things were not what they were supposed to have been. I was very disappointed and made the decision my next guide on Jamaica vacations was going to be the best one available. I think I made a great choice with The Rough Guide to Jamaica 4 by Rough Guide Travel Guides. It's been an incredibly valuable tool in my adventures and I think it will do much to help you with yours.

The Rough Guide to Jamaica 4 (Rough Guide Travel Guides) is perfect for just about any traveler to Jamaica, it's a bit larger than some travel guides at 7.6 x 5 x 0.9 inches and slightly heavy for backpackers at 15 ounces shipping weight but if you have the room for an all around perfect travel guide than you must grab this one. It's breaks the island up into easy to digest sections based on major tourist areas like Negril, Montego Bay and Ocho Rios but it also includes very detailed information on all the places in between. Find directions to out of the way places like Treasure Beach and Port Antonio as well as Jamaican tourist favorites like YsFalls and Fern Gully and see the Real Jamaica in comfort with this trustworthy trafel guide.

I have had the book in country since June and it has carried me all over the island with accurate maps and landmarks that have been a blessing while driving around Jamaica for the first time in many cases. When I bought the van in Kingston it was 5PM in the evening when I decided to drive home to Negril and this guide helped me navigate the dark streets of Jamaica on my trip home. The book is laid out well and it's very easy to jump through sections because of the tabbed layout and color coordinated features. Finding things like maps of downtown Kingston or how to drive to Mayfield Falls was simple with this guide and a little back up from my Garmin GPS. I've been busy mapping down tracks and waypoints that I need to upload and soon.

I found great places to stay like Leighton House in Kingston and super places to eat like Chelsea Jerk Center also in Kingston. I used the book to find places like Royal Palm Preserve, Mayfields Falls and Roaring Rivers and I have lots more places still to go. If you're interested in traveling with us on our adventures then Contact Us for more details.

Rough Guide Details

* Paperback: 528 pages
* Publisher: Rough Guides; 4 edition (January 15, 2007)
* Language: English
* ISBN-10: 1843536919
* ISBN-13: 978-1843536918
* Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 5 x 0.9 inches

We needed a package shipped from the States with some things from the house to make our stay more comfortable. When we packed I left the speakers for our entertainment unit at home for space and weight savings knowing I would regret it and i sure did. Within days it was obvious the built in speakers in our 22" multi function tv/monitor were not enough to watch a movie from and we needed a sound boost. We brought about 50 movies along and forgot the remote unit to play regular DVD movies on the Xbox with plus my son scratched up his favorite game in the first week and was pretty upset about it. He seemed to yearn for home until I was able to get him one shipped. I was lucky to also find a copy in Kingston which I snapped up before the package was able to arrive to us a full three weeks after it was shipped.

We stopped in to check on a PO Box at Negril Post Office but were told basically we didn't need one and we could use the one from whatever resort we were staying in. Our official address is Heartbeat Resort West End Road Negril Jamaica

We have since had to ship packages on more than one occasion and it varies by what you are shipping. I was in a rush to send some documents that I had signed and I had to call DHL and have them stop by the resort on the next day because there is no drop off point here in Negril. It seems silly to me but not one of these internet cafes around here has stepped and made themselves the official drop off for any of the carriers. Not UPS or FedEx has an office locally. There are supposed to be FedEx drop offs here but I have not sen one yet. They say it's just better to call. Price to ship 2 sheets of paper to the States via DHL was $2000JA or about $35US with a 3 day delivery.

The Negril Post office offers registered mail for about $5 US but there have been stories of lost packages and delays. I myself had a package disappear during Hurricane Dean and it has never been returned or deliverd. Of course I have no receipts for it but it would never matter anyway. It's just gone and thats the way things go in Jamaica. If you need to ship or receive packages in Negril you should plan ahead and figure out what the best carrier would be. Grab a local Jamaica phone book and call UPS, FedEx and DHL for faster delivery or important packages, or if you can afford to lose it you can try the Jamaican postal service.

Many of us will go to great lengths to plan the perfect Jamaica vacation and in most cases it comes at least close. Many of us will not plan properly for medical emergencies. It may have something to do with us not wanting to face the facts that something may happen to you or someone you care for while on vacation. It may be something else all together, no matter what reason you have for not planning for medical care or emergencies it's not a good one. There isn't one.

I brought along two emergency medical kits that I loaded with lots of extras. We have lots of bandages, sutures and supplies for minor cuts or bites. We have antihistamines, antacids, OTC pain relievers, cold and cough remedies and more. We brought a lot of stuff with us and I'm glad we did. I never expected we would use all of the stuff we brought but I knew it would cost a lot more here for the same things and I was right. Not only that but we've had a hard time finding things to replenish what we have used such as a triple antibiotic and gauze bandages for dressing the nasty bite on my leg. I was finally able to find a tube in the Fontana Pharmacy in Sav La Mar. I could not find any in Negril, Mobay or even Kingston although I only looked in 10 or 20 of the 100 or so pharmacies I've seen in Jamaica.

What passes for a pharmacy here should most often be classified as a trinket shop. Many of them don't carry even basic medical supplies. I stopped in over a dozen shops asking for a roll of medical tape. Not a single one had any until I reached one in Kingston that had some. The Fontana pharmacy in Sav La Mar has some but Negril Pharmacy and Key West Pharmacy nearby have none. You can buy all sorts of other crap but not a roll of medical tape in Negril. The bite on my leg was serious and it hurt like hell. I was in some very serious pain and walking around Kingston to handle some business on the morning it hit me. I went into 4 or 5 different pharmacies in Uptown and Downtown Kingston and most told me that the strongest they had was over the counter and I knew that would do me little good. I was finally able to find one that had Panadiem in stock and he was willing to give me 10 pills to get me back to Negril on the next day. Those worked pretty good and did not make me very drowsy as many medications do for me.

I left Kingston and returned to Negril where my leg drained for 5 days after swelling up so large I could not walk on it. It was over a week of hobbling around on it and not a single doctor or pharmacist I showed it too would do more than an OTC pain reliever. My wife was not so lucky. She got bit by whatever got me also (we still assume they are bites with no real proof). She got two bites on her butt and they were pretty bad. They begin to swell from deep inside and there is only a tiny head on the boil as it forms. I lanced mine as soon as I saw the swelling take off, my wife held off on lancing and she regrets that now I bet. In her case after about 3 days the lumps got hot and hard, they were in such bad shape we knew she needed medical attention and soon but this was actually the day Hurricane Dean was to land and of course we had other things going on. We were deep into moving our stuff and dealing with the weather.

The day Dean hit she was in some pretty intense pain and we decided we needed to do something just afterwards. She contacted a few places but no one was open on the day after the storm. No one was interested in helping me with mine anyway so we felt we'd get much the same for hers. She contacted the hospital in Sav La Mar and they said they could deal with it right away and that they were not even that busy. We decided to drop her off the 2nd day after Dean struck and I left her there alone that morning. I honestly thought it was no more than a local anesthesia for the pain and then they would lance them open and drain them. I was wrong, they admitted her and said she would need surgery to deal with it. She spent the whole first day in the lobby and then waiting in a room with a woman who was apparently dying. The woman kept calling for Jah to come and save her. She said this went on for hours and it drove her nuts. When they came to do the surgery she was relived to get away from that woman. She was not fine for long though as she found out that they were not administering a local anesthesia but would in fact be putting her to sleep for the procedure. Now she was very scared, she just did not trust things to go well and they didn't go so smoothly. My wife is not a religious person and the anesthesiologist seems to have been. She recited some prayers and even had out some beads and a cross as she administered the drugs to her. She told her that she had had a problem in the past with people underestimating her tolerance and she wanted to make sure the doctor gave her enough to knock her out fully. The doctor kept praying as she fell asleep. Sometime into the procedure she woke up and had to be re-drugged.

She woke the next morning still groggy from surgery but ready to leave the hospital. So it's been a hectic ew days and we just had a Hurricane. Power was out for much of the island and every ATM we knew of was out of order. We had some cash but who knew how long we would need it. When she called the hospital my wife asked about payment and terms and she says they told her they could not refuse her services and she did not have to pay at time of service. We could pay later or make payment arrangements. We chose the hospital because we were worried about cash flow in the coming days and did not want to lay out a bunch of cash. Heck I had no idea what it would cost but with the way things cost here I expected the worst. I was sure it would cost us a thousand in US dollars or like 60 to 70 thousand Jamaican dollars. We're not rich but I can normally pull that kind of cash from the bank but I would never have that much money on me for any reason. So anyway I went to the hospital to pick her up with no cash, no credit cards and only my drivers license on me plus about $2500 JA or about $40 US. I thought we'd grab some food in Sav and head back home. No need to carry around all my stuff and it's safer in the room safe.

We get to the hospital to check my wife out and as soon as we arrive its static. First they won't let her leave until she is seen by the surgical team to check the work from the night before. Trouble is the surgical team is busy and they may take a long time to come around. According to the girl in the bed next to my wife a lady sat there for two days waiting for them to come around and check her before she could be released. I was not waiting two hours much less two days to get her out of that place. I was there for 10 minutes and I felt dirty. The mosquitoes were thick and the thought of them biting some patient and then me or my children was too much. I tracked down the surgical team myself and informed them they needed to clear my wife as we were leaving. They agreed and about an hour later they came around and did their thing. It took about another hour for them to run the paperwork and so forth before we were handed a receipt and told to go. Since my arrival that morning I was very clear we were leaving and leaving soon. I wanted to be sure we left properly and were discharged in case we ever needed to return. If you leave without being properly checked out they can and will refuse service to you next time. So we waited until they discharged her.

The Sav La Mar hospital is like all other government buildings in Jamaica, covered in steel bars and security guards. The recovery rooms are actually in a multi story building behind admittance and under heavy security. All entrance and exits are locked or guarded by live security officers and each time we came or went it was through one main gate. There are I'm sure other ways in and out but we kept using the one with two guards that carried handheld metal detectors and police batons. As we approached the guards on the way out I was still carrying the bill in my hand and one of them told me that my wife would have to remain at the gate while I went up front to pay the bill. I told them I did not have the cash to pay it but I would gladly make arrangements to pay it soon. The guard told me that was not good enough, I was going to have to pay the bill in full or my wife was not allowed to leave. I told him he was wrong and he needed to check with the hospital because we were told over the phone we did not have to pay for services at that time. We went there for that very reason and did not carry the means to get the money with us. The guards were both pretty nasty with us and honestly I was just over it. I told the guard that I was walking through that gate with my kids in hand and I did not want any trouble. The male guard braced himself between me and the gate and refused us exit. I told them to go find and Administrator to discuss this with but they insisted on pushing me back instead.

I was becoming angry, which is never a pretty scene, and my kids were scared which made me angrier. I moved away from the gate and proceeded through the hospital looking for another way out. I walked through the maternity ward and found a rear exit but as we approached the same guard came running around the corner and slammed me back inside the building. Thats when I lost it. This man tackled me football style and dropped me on my ass. I jumped up and grabbed him. I pushed him and the big female guard bulldog style out the door and into a railing facing the parking lot. I slung my wife and kids out the door and over the railing into the courtyard as the guards regained their footing and starting whooping my butt with their metal detector and baton. The big girl grabbed my hair from behind and dropped to her knees yanking me backwards by the neck until I fell on my head and shoulders. The guy jumped over me and spun us all around as he dragged me back inside and and then placed a knee in my throat as be mashed me into a corner on the floor. The big girl sat on my chest and held my legs wrapped backwards as if to hogtie me. I sat there for a minute to collect my thoughts and figure out how this had happened to me and what to do next. My wife and kids were free. My wife was yelling for me and I told her to just leave, call the embassy and get me the heck out of there. I told her to call the cops because they were beating me and I was scared of what might happen to me. At least the cops wouldn't kill me right?

So I sat for a minute to catch my breath but I could not breathe because this jerk had my throat blocked. I squeezed out a "I can't breathe. Please get off my throat" before the jerk ground his knee in deeper and with more force. He actually totally blocked my windpipe and forced me to react. I grabbed him by the balls and yanked as hard as I could. I squeezed him hard and he yelled until the big girl grabbed and choked me. I let go of him and he grabbed his metal detector and proceeded to slam my elbow at least 10 times with some long full swings. I was sure it was broken but xrays reveal they are trained pros. He hit me on the tip of the elbow so it made it seem as if I fell on it but it was not broken. After he whacked me really good I was scared again because I had no idea how serious these people were and if they intended to really hurt me. So big girl starts talking smack and says some things like this is my fault and I'm crazy. She leaned over into my face as she held her arm against my throat and she looked into my eyes. I grabbed her by the ears and jammed my thumbs into her eyes. I actually had my thumbs down alongside her eyeballs at one point and contemplated scooping them out of the sockets but I knew that was over the top and I was going to jail for that. I still had hopes of avoiding jail and just walking away from this all and it would be hard to do so if I blinded one of them. I was still right and I was only defending myself so far. Gouging out eyes is beyond self defense in some peoples view, not mine but some people. Anyway I caused her enough pain to jump up off me and I started wrestling with him again on the ground when I was told the police had arrived. I laid down and waited for them to show.

The cops tried the same crap all pigs try. They start blaming you for everything right away and raise there voices. The lead cop got in my face and told me I was going to jail. I spun around and placed my hands behind my back and said lets go. I can't wait to see a judge. I can't wait to call the Gleaner and I can't wait to meet your boss and the police attorneys when we got to court. Please take me to jail for defending my wife and kids from being kidnapped and held without our will. The cop was surprised to see that I was honestly not scared to go to jail in Jamaica if thats what it came to and I'm not. A jail in Jamaica has Jamaican men in it and I fear no man. So the cop sat me down and told me I was going to jail for damaging government property. I bent some aluminum shutters on a window trying to get out and I was to be charged with the crime. I told him that was fair, I did bend the shutters and it was a crime against the people of Jamaica. I needed to be punished and so did the two guards for kidnapping my family and assaulting me, in front of my children I might add. I would gladly pay for my crimes but I was expecting they would as well. I asked the police officers for the names of my attackers and they told me I was not entitled to them. I asked for a pen and I was told I could not have one. I was told to wait, they were discussing the situation with administration. I said that was great because I was trying to speak with them earlier. I think someone needs to clear up whats really going on. After about 15 minutes the lead police officer walked up to me and waived at the door. He said, "You can go. They can't hold you and you don't have to pay".

I asked about the guards and the cops told me to leave. I told them I wanted to file a complaint and they told me to leave. What else could I do? I left. I got in my van and drove to the Sav La Mar police department where I filed a complaint on the male guard who's name I was able to retrieve from his badge and Jane Doe accomplice, the big girl guard. I was given a slip and told to report to a hospital for a medical examination. I laughed and went home.

My wife needed to have her wounds redressed every day and the holes they cut into her needed to be packed. We returned to Negril and were advised to go to the Negril Medical Center on Norman Manley Blvd (Beach Road). Not only did they do a great job on her dressings but they had an x-ray machine to look at my elbow which passed inspection after being sent away to a specialist in Mobay. They looked over my arm and the cut I got in my leg and patched me up really nice.

I so wish we had simply waited and gone to see them instead of traveling to Sav La Mar and having the experience we did. If you are in Negril and have a minor medical emergency go to Negril Medical Center. If you have a major emergency and need a hospital go to Montego Bay Hospital and avoid the Sav La Mar hospital unless you're dying and you want Jah to come and get you.